hi, this is going to be a random post about my mother because it's 3.05 in the morning and I just spent 30 minutes watching The Emperor's New School with her and laughing our ass off like we used to be back when we were younger. I'm gonna call her Ibu in this post, okay, because I love how it rolls on my tongue and Ibu seems like a much more sincere address than Mom.
Me and Ibu were never that close to begin with.
Back when I was a little child, Ibu was a very strict mother. She was fun, she was okay, but she was really strict. She was always nagging me every morning,"SUSUNYA CEPET DIMINUM KAMU TUH UDAH TERLAMBAT" and even when I got home for school she would nag me for not taking my proper nap. She even got to the extent of locking me in my bedroom and snatching away all forms of entertainment just so I could obey her order to take my nap. My relationship with Ibu, at that time, wasn't all lovey-dovey like other kids would normally have with their own mother. She rarely hugged me or baby me. She was always that kind of mother who always say harsh things to motivate me - and I was a really sappy kid back then heheh (I think I still am). Basically I spent my adolescent years fearing Ibu because I can't predict her. She was always surprising; her moods are ever-changing; and that's not something easy to fathom for a little child.
Come teenage years, my fear of Ibu was mixed with the usual teenage angst. I feel betrayed when she didn't side with me when I got bullied. I spent 2 years being bullied back in middle school, up to the point where I would spend an hour in the bathroom just to stall my departure to school. I despise going to school, and back then the trip to school was something I always hope would last forever. Sometimes I even faked sickness just to cancel school every thrice a week. Ayah cut me loose sometimes - but Ibu didn't. Ibu would bang on the bathroom door, loudly calling my name and told me to get out soon and get ready for school. Even when my school discovered that I was being bullied, Ibu didn't stand up for me. She said I should fix my attitude, and she refused to give me some slacks. She insisted -and made sure- that I would go to school everyday, because she said it's going to give the bullies an impression that I didn't give up just because they wanted me to. At that time I didn't understand the meaning behind her harsh and tough words, but I went on anyway. I showed up to school everyday, just to get bullied and alienated all over again. I came home crying and Ibu didn't comfort me. In fact she just looked at me and said,"besok gak ada cerita gak sekolah ya. Jangan manja. Hadapi sendiri. Life won't get any easier from here, so buckle up."
I remember crying a lot after she said that. This went on until my first year of high-school, and my relationship with Ibu grew more tense. Ibu felt like just someone who did her duties because she gave birth to me, not because she loved me.
Come college years, I began to open up. I was no longer bullied, and my teenage angst phase was over. I looked back through all the years when Ibu was being harsh to me, and I began to understand the meaning behind her actions. Ibu, on the other hand, went softer at me and slowly she feels more like a best friend. She eased up a lot more and we began to appreciate the times we spent together; although during my first years of college, I didn't get the chance to spend much time with her because I was too busy focusing on my extra-curricular activities. The next thing I know, when all my college stuff dies down one by one, is Ibu grew older. And so am I. We grow older together, and I think that's the reason why our relationship evolves into something a lot more friendlier than what we had back then. I was a difficult person to deal with, and added with my introvert side, it's almost impossible for people to deal with me on a daily basis. Sometimes I even wonder why my friends still stick with me because I feel like a lonely asshole most of the time. Ibu was hot-headed, and she was vocal when she's angry. She would say mean things, and she'd state the truth in such a painful way. And as we grow older, we come to that point of mutual understanding - I was no longer that introvert (because hey, bullying is the last thing you have to worry about when you get into college, and scoring friends are as easy as 1 2 3) and she was no longer that fiery so yeah we both calmed ourselves down and bond.
I spend a lot of time with her recently, being a senior who doesn't have any class left except for that blistering skripsi... and everyday I'm thankful that Ibu was the woman God picked to become my mother. She treated me like an adult, like the way I want to and should be treated. I'm very open with her about the guys I'm friends with, and the reasons why I adore them, but I never got to tell her about the guy I've been in love with, but I guess she knows it already. She knows everything I wanted to tell her, but she pretends she didn't know because she knows that would make me uncomfortable. She's been handling my introvert side really well as a mother, and I can never be thankful enough for that.
I went through my first heartbreak in college and I skipped my classes for the next three days. I woke up late and my eyes were puffy red all the time, but Ibu didn't say anything. She probably noticed the missing photo I ripped from my wall, but she didn't ask.... until one evening when I sat down with her over our cups of coffee, she looked at me and say,"kamu yang kuat ya nak. Nggak apa-apa. Take as much time as you need. Kamu bolos kuliah seminggu juga gak apa-apa nak, terserah kamu... tapi jangan sampai nilai kamu jelek ya. Ibu cuma mau bilang, Ibu dukung apapun keputusan kamu selama niat kamu baik."
I held back my tears when she said that. I didn't even tell her anything but she knows, and she understands.
Me and Ibu shared a lot of things between us; but my favorite thing that we share is our morning coffee. I was a heavy coffee-drinker eversince I was 6 years old (yes, I blame it on her because she made me one), but I gradually reduce coffee and then I stopped drinking it altogether. Ibu was always a coffee-drinker, and that doesn't change even after 20 years. Every morning she'd make herself a cup of coffee, sit down and ask me to join her watching the tv and commenting whatever news is on tv that day. Then after a few sips, she'd put down her cup and hand it over to me. I drink from her cup everyday, the rest 1/4 of her coffee, and that's always been the best coffee I've ever tasted.
Wow this was really random, wasn't it? Hahaha. I just want to say I really appreciate the things I've been through with Ibu; and am thankful for everything (yes, even the fight), because Ibu makes me a better person every day. Ibu isn't perfect, and me neither, but we learn how to love and support each other through good and bad and that's something that I'm thankful for everyday.
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